Sergey Zagraevsky. My XX century. Chapter 12. Christianity

Describing his studies extrasensory with Arkady in the early nineties, I'm Carlos Castaneda referred to many times. But, strictly speaking, my links in scientific terms were unfair, because at that time I have not read Castaneda. Let's just say almost never read, and had read, it is not understood and felt.

Then, in 1990-91, he had circulated in samizdat, and pulled it was extremely difficult. Arkady was a thick copy only the sixth book is “the Gift of the eagle”and I on his recommendation read.

Frankly, despite our classes in those days, I for myself in this book almost did not find anything interesting. The thing is that at the level of the sixth book Castaneda began much independently understand, don Juan had already “gone”, leaving them “at the forefront”, and virtually the entire book is devoted to the device of global energy in the form of the notorious “eagle”.

Me is, of course, was seen no more than just another philosophical transpersonal theory. Well, in the form of an eagle or other bird - which, in essence, is the difference? From then my classes to castenedolo understanding of the Universe was as far as, for example, to the knowledge of physical and chemical processes in the bowels of the star Antares...

I “Dar eagle” read and forgot. Moreover, when a couple of years later it was published a great many copies magnificent works Castaneda, I did not begin to buy - it seemed to me that these books went into the irrevocable past together with the lessons of that stuff...

And the year that way in 1994 I finally bought the works of Carlos Castaneda and read it entirely. I must say that the impression was the strongest.

The first two or three books so closely match what I “passed” Arkady, what I perceived as a further continuation of their own lessons. Well, at least theoretical.

Don Juan was “peyote”, in Arcadia - “Somalia”, the first successfully passed his disciple “drug” stage, the second on it myself and got stuck, but in theory, the difference between their ways were not.

I have already said that after termination of employment with Arkady I was not able to move independently in any of the specific magical practices, including those described in the later books of Castaneda. But more important was the fact that the theoretical part of the lessons of don Juan Carlos, where he tells the student about the “way of the warrior”, I took seriously.

In short, the main theoretical principles of the teachings of don Juan “the road warrior” as follows:

First, you must stop the internal dialogue, that is to stop talking to himself about his world. We have this internal dialogue continuously create this very world that prevents us to perceive the true nature of things. By the way, one of the aspects of use peyote - just stop the internal dialogue.

Secondly, our existence in this world in any case, has an end, that is, we will not escape from his physical death. It is only inevitable event in our lives, and to Orient us, by and large, more than that. So one must live with the thought: how will I meet death?

Don Juan expressed it shorter and better: to use death as an adviser, especially when the “warrior” assailed by doubts and fears.

Third, we need to get rid of the feeling of self-importance. It makes sense “warrior” heavy, clumsy and empty. But the things that make people may not be more important than peace.

Fourth, the “warrior” fluid, flexible, did not work in one place - try the other, in a different way, but eventually leading to the ultimate goal. To see what in the fifth.

And fifth, all that was said about the plurality of the worlds, the energies of the Universe and the need to preserve their awareness in the moment of death gives us the victory over death and transition to another world without losing its own “I”.

Then, in the mid-nineties, I was mostly just that. And let my knowledge is not accounted and one-thousandth of what Castaneda learned, but still! If there is a theoretical possibility, then there is hope.

So, we have been working on it. As another question, I imagine it specifically not yet fully represented.

I stilled the following: engaging in 1991 with Arkady, I slightly felt what was described by don Juan as what is happening with the person at the time of death, that is, transition: every cell in the body is filled with knowledge and a sense of their true capabilities. And much as I reasonably believed the death drug is much more powerful than “soma”, so that the potential “process” the process was.

III

By working with Arkady I was able to “filter out” some of the teachings of don Juan. Anyway, to myself I could apply not all that told Castaneda.

The fact that mages are two basic types: stalkers and dreamer. The first pass their way of knowing the cosmic energies on Earth among the people, and the second explores the world mainly in dreams, leaving his physical shell.

Strugatsky brothers when they wrote their famous bestseller “roadside picnic”, invested in the notion of “Stalker” is about the same meaning: a person who is able to live in the Zone (created by aliens from outer space), and among the people.

Andrei Tarkovsky in his brilliant film virtually removed from the image Stalker selfish element (Strugatsky stalkers went into the Zone first of all with the purpose of enrichment, carried out different “space things” and sold vile dealers), and it turned out pretty strange and vague, although an unforgettable image.

But in fact the true purpose of going into the Zone - knowledge.

And why the Area to learn - first of all, this question is as absurd as the question: “Why should Eystein developed the theory of relativity?”, and secondly, there is a “worldly” answer: in order that, having done all the things on Earth, to stay forever in the world that created the Zone, because, apparently, this world more perfect.

Almost the same goal and a dreamer magicians, only the other way.

Castaneda, for example, belonged to the type of dreamer, and most of the prophets - stalkers, for “work” among the people. However, these types are very conventional, it is a superior way of knowing the world, that is, one does not exclude the other.

Although, for example, I clearly inclined to Stalker type, in the classroom with Arkady failed to learn how to consciously go out of his body during sleep. Arkady I talked about this only in theory, because it seems he did not know how.

And since Castaneda was mainly dreamer magician, that is unprotected from harmful human energy, for it was rightly demand “erasing personal history, and the need to become a “mysterious and elusive. Indeed, while waning focus people on the magician's personality that makes it more freely and enhances protection.

In my same personality type - Stalker - it was not necessary, for Stalker already because of the peculiarities of his life among men has so many levels of protection that can afford the “luxury” not only have personal history, but even to open it to others (that is what I do in this book).

There is a certain risk, but it is justified by the fact that the knowledge of the world in this case all human life from the moment of birth, and even the lives of previous generations. Including the most common grandmothers, grandfathers, mothers and fathers.

No wonder I'm beginning of the book devoted so much attention to their biographies - for me it is a very powerful energy supply, and “erase” it would be, at least, stupid. For example, a man like my grandmother, Lydia V. - me so much of its power, that will suffice for many years, if not for life. Yes she is where she is now, whether I continue to feed its energy? Sure, yeah.

And what about Christianity? Isn't it time yet to start talking about it?

Oddly enough, there is still no. Even in 1998, and I could not even think about not only believe in God, but will also engage in Christian theology.

I have already said that in the end of 1998 began to exhibit his paintings. About the same time seriously address the history of architecture. And, finally decided to make its contribution to art history, more precisely, to the theory of “naive art”I wrote a small and still never published an article “From naive art to the art of warmth”.

The purpose of this article was local to “legitimize” naivizm as absolutely professional and serious style, has no less right to exist than realism or abstraction. For me, a naive artist”, this issue was not idle - even on the first show had to listen to a lot of criticism for “inefficiency”, “kindness”, “into childhood”, “unprofessional” and so on.

I soon on the basis of this article wrote his first, very small book, even the brochure - "Two roads to the temple. The main idea of the book was to become the unity naivizma and icon painting and get something more global unity of art in General and religion in General. And since I wrote the book on European material, the “religion in General” was Christianity.

The main conclusion of the book sounded as follows: “Believe in God believe in the art”. But to be honest, I personally believed in the art always, but in God - not very. That is, mathematically speaking, I was referring only a direct causal link, but on the back - “believe in the art - believe in God” - I still was not enough.

But wait remained not for long.

Like all more or less educated children, adolescents and adults, I read the Bible before. Frankly, any insights and revelations she did not bring, like the vast majority of “unprepared readers.

Purely for informational purposes in children and adolescence, I carefully read the book of Genesis, the gospel of Matthew and everything else flipped.

Around 1992, I decided to read the Bible from cover to cover, and the first time I did it.

Can't say that it influenced me as suddenly and dramatically. I have the idea that some “intellectual clues, but nothing more. This is not surprising, since the “background” my reading of the Bible in the early nineties was very specific: the almost complete lack of faith in God the Creator of heaven and earth”. So I thought that in the beginning of our era Jesus Christ has developed the doctrine about the goodness and love - and all this is enough. And the rest - a man is his “chemistry and psyche.

None of what a Christian approach to the immortality of the soul I did not think, for classes extrasensorial continuously made itself felt. If I have to anything in this plan and believed it was rather a Mexican “eagle”, is followed by the Eastern Magi believed that in the world there is nothing but various types of energy. What an “energy materialism”.

However, at that time I had not read a single book Castaneda, in addition to the above-mentioned “the gift of the eagle”, so that the worldwide energy believed somehow “insecure”. In any case, not treated it as something personally seen. This chakra, astral, magic is Yes.

Frankly, I found myself in the most cunning “trap” of magic. The thing is that in the broadest magic concepts there is a place and Christianity: from this point of view, Jesus Christ is “Explorer” one of kinds of energy of the Universe, created on earth powerful sustainable “egregor” - Christianity.

But magicians are just one of the many “egregious”, in any case not determining the spiritual world. Therefore, a clear moral system, comparable to the Christian doctrine of goodness and love have no magicians. One goal : cognition of the world, and it justifies all means.

On the one hand, if the end justifies any means, in the end, with a high degree of probability can get, as Galic: “And you can lie, and you can wander, and friends to bring the herd”... But on the other hand, people do evil means to generate negative energy, which for the MAG seems to be undesirable, too...

And to finally shut “trap”, the magic of learning: a Stalker one way of understanding the world is the most common life. Among the people. He and the Stalker.

All logic is reduced to absurdity: why do some spiritual quest, and even more magical practices, if you can keep life simple “cultural Philistine” and proudly call themselves “Stalker”?

Ironically, despite the obvious absurdity, that very thought made me a sedative, and so a few more years.

In 1993-98 years I have been “read” and the Bible, and “psychic” literature is very rare, and indeed in my spiritual world formed a vacuum. Thank God that filled his art, and then, you see, still rolled up every night of walking to restaurants and a casino with business colleagues, and even to a regular game of cards...

The first “revelation,” I was in March 1999, when I went to a tourist trip to Israel. I was there before, but once on the run, and there was a time, and I went on a tour in Galilee. The same one where Christ was born and where he began his preaching.

That was not sorry,

Your I realized height:

Yes. You - native Galilee

I Novokreschenov Christ.

Remembering these words of the Block (however, said with regard to Russia, I came to the source of the Jordan river, where the guide gave “free time” and said that if anyone wants it, you may be baptized, or simply “to wash away their sins” in the very place where John the Baptist baptized Jesus Christ. In principle, they say, to “local” washing away of sins enough to dip in the Jordan leg or sprinkle, but actually someone somehow.

And then I suddenly decided... to be baptized.

I was baptized in infancy in Orthodoxy “or not is a mystery. The mother claimed that I was baptized grandmother, Lydia V., she kept on this topic silence...

The only thing known for certain is that in the Church grandmother went and icon bought, and wrote on it with a pencil “God Bless you, my little one. I have already mentioned, but in a slightly different context, which belonged to his grandmother. As to me - to me this cheap cardboard icons of the mother of God was enough, in the Church since childhood, I myself felt quite comfortable, thank God.

But having decided to be baptized in the Jordan, I have done all the rules: bought immediately in special shop “white robes” (to be baptized relied only in them), dressed in a special locker room, special descent went into the river and plunged headlong.

Frankly, the more stunning and varied experience I used to experience ever.

Baptism in fact has no relation to the word “cross”, or the very cross, and the cross on his neck, I had already basically not worn - this is an instrument of torture and executions. But baptism as washing, peeling, that under this word is understood John the Baptist and Jesus Christ - that I felt “full”.

Pleased that I was not baptized, I baptized myself. That is, it is possible to interpret that baptized me Jesus Christ. Anyway, at baptism something like I felt. No, of course I could just convince yourself of this, although I'm not one of those people who themselves in something convincing, if not backed by objective data, or even intuition.

However, this feeling was very uncertain, moreover - in a couple of days was replaced by other impressions of the amazing and mysterious land of Israel. The Western wall, the Holy Sepulchre, the valley of Megiddo, the Dead sea...

However, back in Moscow, I suddenly felt the need to write a book about Christ. Not completely, of course, “suddenly” - like and “jubilee” year 2000 approached, and some ideas on this subject came to me during the writing of the first book “Two roads to the temple, when I analyzed the early Christian heresies...

But I decided to write a book about Christ is “suddenly”. One thing - “some ideas”, but quite another small (80 pages), but the book!

VII

Immediately the question arose: to write the book in line with the official Orthodoxy or not? I must say that I answered him, “no”, almost without thinking.

I have already said that during class business had the opportunity to make sure that the Orthodox Church is very far from Holiness, and “does things” so that any “oligarch” it may well envy.

It would not be so bad, but half the trouble is that the same practical considerations have a place in the Church exploring theological issues. Therefore, be considered Orthodox religious officialdom “ultimate truth” absolutely illegal.

That I had always understood and, having no spiritual alternatives, its remoteness from the official Orthodoxy considered remoteness from Christianity in General. But, it seems, is the baptism in the Jordan gave me the opportunity to feel that the first and second - completely different things.

So, deciding on the Orthodox officialdom does not “look”, I wrote what I thought was right. Few people in Russia ventured to criticize the doctrines associated with the person of Christ (first of all of the Trinity and the man), but I had nothing to lose. After what I had suffered in the business, the potential dissatisfaction with the official Church seemed to me “baby talk”.

Remember, as in his time, that way year in 1995, I was driving with an extremely heavy questioning RUBOP, and I was very funny, when I was stopped by traffic police for some minor breach of the rules. What could I make a friendly traffic police Lieutenant Colonel after RUBOP, banged his fist on the table and immediately threatened to “lock”?

Now, something similar happened in terms of my theological position. I didn't care what he would say even the Patriarch himself - I, thank God, nothing to do with the Moscow Patriarchate has never led, money they should not, therefore, for all “concept of” what they could have me claim?

VIII

In the book “About a great man,” I have set ourselves the goal of making Christianity simple for any layman, and for this it was necessary to clean Christian theology from the incredibly complex and intricate medieval dogma and “submit” Christianity as the teachings of the great man, Jesus Christ, about God, the goodness and love.

Having lived many years in the shoes of a “new Russian” and talking with a huge number of these gentlemen, I realized that in order to “reach out” to them (and to the vast majority of people), it must unequivocally reject intuitively understand the doctrines such as the Trinity and the son of God, that is to say of Christ as a person who has submitted the same people like it.

Otherwise, what is the example? For the vast majority of modern people may think (and think) the following: “that's what Christ and God to preach goodness and love, and for it to go to the cross. God, then hang on the cross and rise again - no problems, but that we, mere mortals do? It's better we get along somehow without kindness and love”...

And here comes a man in the Church, listening incomprehensible set of old Slavonic chants - and all. Before he can get there? Not all graduate theological Seminary...

And if you would make the image of Christ is clear to everyone! And if often heard preaching of goodness and love, including many hours of air time provided by broadcasters Church! And if the Patriarch is periodically turned to the Orthodox Russians with an appeal to comply with certain moral norms (up to ensure cleanliness in the streets)and to their government to stop another war, eradicate corruption, and similar vices of society!

Maybe then in our life, something would actually improve? After all, what a huge force - Orthodox spirituality, and it's a shame to see how it is spent on the mysterious medieval rituals and dogmas... The same applies to Catholicism, and Protestantism.

I wrote the book not that feverishly, but in a very intense pace. First, at any moment could begin “military action”associated with Rokobankovskimi “debts”. Secondly, I was anxious to “stake out” a few key points to make in the future to develop them.

“Lopatey mountains theological literature” was easier than I thought. The theme of my book was fairly local to the person of Christ and criticism related religious dogma of the Trinity and of the God-man. This was quite enough to carefully review the Scriptures, finding in it the place to which theological statements of the Church openly contradicted.

However, I note that in this small pamphlet I position my life experience has developed its own theological rationale for rejection of the official Church dogma associated with the announcement of Christ's second hypostasis of the Holy Trinity.

The fact that the assumption that God is not one that the gods are the Christ, and the Holy Spirit, inevitably leads to a “pagan” conclusions. For example, here is one step to the conclusion philosopher and psychoanalyst Jung, that there are other gods (e.g., the devil). So, the devil is not less powerful, just God tolerates his existence. And this, in turn, causes any sensible modern man desire to “negotiate” with that same devil - and suddenly get to live life outside of the Christian system of values? Lie, kill, to betray? And the devil, you see, “cover”?

Very, very well knowing how many people live just on this principle, I insisted on the adoption of strict monotheism. There are no other gods except the Creator of heaven and earth“! Jesus Christ is a great man who preached to us the divine truth, and the Holy Spirit is the symbol of Christian spirituality, faith and religion.

Besides, “tripling” God or the announcement of Christ “additional” God unnecessarily complicate the perception of the Christian system of values, as would be logical (and actually quite illogical) Church officialdom is not justified.

For example, the dogma of the Trinity was formed only in the fourth century, in the very short-term political purposes, which we have already spoken. And just try to understand this dogma and to understand how the three individuals can be so “consubstantial”to be one God? And don't try - even Orthodox Church thinking on this topic does not recommend or advise priori to accept it on faith.

Philosophical “metaphysical” building on the base of Christianity as unduly complicate his perception. A relatively small book " the Scriptures enough to fully accept Christianity as a spiritual system and follow it.

“Insist on” all of the above have been easy, but follow this path... For this purpose first of all it was necessary to sincerely believe in God, but for me personally, highly experienced rationalist, this was the most difficult. Even after the lessons magical practices, despite the fact that I learned about the existence of “other worlds”, I think the essence of things not become less rational.

Proof of the existence of God I brought all of his books. Theoretically, I understood that the main proof of the existence of mankind single system of values, including spirituality, and faith, and religion, and art...

I understand that God is a world power, which gave us life to learning and self-improvement. And the fact that the Christian God is not a soulless kastanedovsky “eagle”, and the energy of a live, reasonable and not indifferent to good and evil on Earth.

And not only understand, but also wrote about it. And the moral and theological, and philosophical aspects of Christianity I am in my books considered under this angle.

But why “viewed”? Equally rational, I continue to consider them now, because to describe a theological books that happened to me in the spring of 2000, it is impossible. The reader who does not know my “personal history”, will not understand, and if they do, they will not believe.

But the reader of this book is in a better position: all possible background, he already knows, so I have hope that my story about “breakthrough” will be correctly understood and not considered “non-scientific fiction”.

Apparently, it is to this “breakthrough” and I walked for many years from the date of the first lessons of that stuff. However, who could then, in the early nineties, consider where these lessons will eventually lead?..

And it all came true. One fine day (or rather, late in the evening) in April 2000 I go to bed, he suddenly decided to... No, not like meditation, and just slightly to remember the old times” and look at the reflection of the chakras on the ceiling of the room.

I am so “fun” in the classroom with Arkady, and I really enjoyed that - white ceiling was a beautiful screen, which reflected rays of energy emitted by all the chakras. Could “consider” own energy structure, its relationship to the activity of a chakra... Well, pretty fun, passing decide the minor cognitive tasks.

I have already said that for many years were not engaged in any psychic practices. Of course, no “peyote”, or “soma”, or any other “additional drivers” I in 2000 was not. Ordinary spring day. At that time I was already working on this book, in the evening sat at the computer, went to sleep, he lay down in bed... And suddenly decided to “try”.

In the astral state “vision” I came surprisingly fast, and after a couple of minutes on the ceiling “lit up” seven little colored dots - the reflection of the chakras. As expected, in strict order - red, orange, yellow...

And here it is... the Fact that I had a “breakthrough” in the mental world, I understood almost immediately. For some reason I can not explain. If what is happening in the astral world can be at least partially described “verbal”, the mental awareness is another matter.

Yes, and I was in this state for a few seconds - in any case, the “usual” time concepts. And saw on a “just-so” sort of firmament, studded with stars. However, even after a moment I realized that it looks like a dome, and the middle is the image of a dove, so usually interpret the Holy Spirit on the frescoes. Immediately before me, “come down”, that is not a picture, and my own perception is the Holy spirit - the spiritual system under the name of “Christianity.”

I knew all the “psychic” concepts am in the mental world. But what I saw and felt did not fit into any of the theories and practices described in Castaneda or elsewhere. Rather, it could be called “Hesychasm” - the so-called mystical exercises practiced by elders in a number of Orthodox monasteries. However, the place my “break” without “the Episcopal blessing,” so, apparently, the Orthodox Church would have thought it not “quietism”and “diabolical obsession”...

Frankly speaking, I hardly knew anything concrete at this moment, contemplating the Holy Ghost, though could only sleep a few hours, and the next day sat for a new book. Not only about Jesus Christ and the Christian doctrine. Later, I called it “Jesus of Nazareth, the life and teachings”.

The book “My twentieth century” has been almost completed, but, nevertheless, I laid it back and got a new one. Actually, something similar - take on one, not completing another - not my style, but I otherwise could not.

As I wrote this new book! I “raised the issue” and the grace of God, and of good and evil, heaven and hell, and sin in General, and the eldest in particular, and even stereotypes “Christian” attitude towards sexual life. In the book I had to analyze not only the Bible, but many works of the largest medieval theologians...

Let the reader will notice how in a few months, you can define a circle of problems, develop on each issue on its own opinion and to say all of this in the form of full-scale theological books (almost 300 pages). And intuition, there was not an “escape”: theology is a science, it is not Amateur sessions astral telepathy...

The most amazing thing that any questions I did not have long to find the answers nor the classics of theology, nor in Orthodox dogmatic books, nor even in the Scriptures. At first I did “sketch” of a fragment of his new book, and then open any “source”, is confirmed by written and made in the text of the desired links. Moreover, and look for something it was not difficult: almost always, I opened particular book immediately on the right place. Plus or minus a few pages...

Apparently, in the mental consciousness” everything is as it should be, although the concept of “mental awareness” for me immediately turned out to be anachronistic, and I use only in order to emphasize the continuity own knowledge of the world - from Carlos Castaneda and Buddha to Jesus Christ.

Stop! Many readers will recall that in the second half of the XIX century there was a philosopher Helena Blavatsky (or should I say was?) It is known mainly for its works of magic, Hinduism, and Buddhism, but in fact the main thing that distinguishes its teachings, is the synthesis of all of the above with quite Orthodox Christianity. She was very realistic, though highly moral idea is to synthesize the philosophical and theological thought of all humanity and to establish a universal “Theosophical” system.

So do not blame me, I experienced reader to follow the theory of Blavatsky?

In no case. I position Blavatsky either side do not accept, when he was ready once again to sign under each word relative to the path of the warrior”, power engineering, magic, and all of what I have learned in the classroom with Arkady and reading books Castaneda.

Moreover, all this, indeed, has Parallels with the Christian doctrine, that is, from the point of view of don Juan Jesus Christ is the greatest magician, heaven and hell - the concepts are similar kastanedoi “other worlds”, the levels magical awareness - degrees promotion of a Christian on the way of Holiness and righteousness, and so on.

But in the spring of 2000 I finally asked myself: do I need a Christian these Parallels?

That Madame Blavatsky, Mr. Zagraevsky and many others began the knowledge of the true essence of the world with the Eastern magical practices - pure chance. Moreover - not the happiest.

I will explain.

Recall Castaneda. What's no denying he is in the frankness with which he described his doubts, fears, failures, lack of understanding of don Juan... and “nagual” he eventually still was not completely full.

This is not surprising. European, who grew up in the value system of which is completely different from the system of values of Mexican Indians, was forced to spend weeks and months that more or less developed Indian intuitively felt within a few seconds.

On their own “turn” in this way, I also told. “Other worlds” alien, scary and unknown, and “waiting” for us there or not - this question in the Mexican magic, I could not answer. Kastanedovsky “eagle”, as it is known, is absolutely neutral.

Plus tradition. It is one thing when you're a magician in a hundred first generation and have previous experience in a hundred, and another thing - European upbringing, education and all the rest umbrella term “mentality”. Anyway, I fully applies to the second.

So by including Mexican, Chinese, Tibetan, Persian or Indian spiritual, religious, and even more magical system, people initially find themselves in a losing situation and have to spend enormous time and effort to “catch-up” without any confidence in the success.

But we have our own great spiritual system - Christianity! Surely it is unable to give us the things that don Juan - Mexican magical tradition, and Buddhists - the teachings of Siddhartha Gautama, known as the Buddha?

Helena Blavatsky (and she is one) has decided that failure.

And I just realized that good, but realized that it provides an opportunity to promote much more “great strides”than all the Eastern magical practices together.

Any genuinely devout Christian, that itself may not be aware, just “fly” on the mental level. Yes, he will never learn to throw energy balls” or move the eyes of a matchbox. Yes, he will never turn into a snake or fly through the air. But he could understand why he came to this world and what awaits him after the earthly life.

And it's much more important than the opportunities, which gives us the astral level of awareness, to which the Eastern Magi go for decades, not always successfully. In addition, after all “the thorns” astral world and “falling back” to the mental, there is always a risk to get involved in the “technical details” (like unlimited possibilities of moving in space), and to miss the main goal is the knowledge of God and the world.

By the way, “retroactively” I guessed what was actually my first “mental break” was baptized in the Jordan river, but I still do not quite understand what was happening...

XII

Even before the “mental break” in 2000 the historical existence of Christ I have no doubts. Moreover accustomed to in his “managerial” work based on the logical and legal opinion, already in its first “Christological” the book I cited evidence of the historicity of Jesus of Nazareth. Convincing or not readers to judge.

Note that from the point of view of magic, miracles of Jesus (the resurrection of Lazarus, the feeding of the five thousand with five loaves of believers) absolutely understandable and real. But even without any magic, even if we assume that miracles exaggeration or fabrication evangelists, stories of healings and resurrections are the most convincing proof that Christ was carrying people to goodness and love. By and large, this is enough.

With Christ as a person I have in the end it turned out, as it usually happens in historians and biographers: after the huge number of read Christological literature and a long “to get into image” there is a sense of personal acquaintance with Jesus of Nazareth, and with many of his disciples, and with the situation in Judea beginning of our era.

And if so - I could not get under the influence of incredibly powerful and ambitious person of Jesus Christ.

Being himself the so-called “professional Manager”, I understand how organizational skills had to have Christ so that within just three years of his preaching activity to build a strong organization, not collapsed after his death and grew into what we now call the Christian Church. And that a number of purely political reasons, the Church was divided into Orthodox, Catholic and Protestant, is unlikely to be good from the point of view of its Creator.

And after the “breakthrough” of 2000 for me, the crucifixion of Jesus was not only an example of what people went to die for their cause. I felt the most important thing that any of us follow Christ is the resurrection.

Undoubtedly, the person of the scale of Jesus Christ had to possess all the features of world energy and, in the end, “the death of death down”. If you could Buddha and don Juan, so that Christ can not afford? Even as a force.

Why can't we Christians are followers of Christ? Can. And not in the day of judgement, and escaped death and going into another world, so far unknown to us, where we expect new and certainly not an easy life.

But we do get afraid of difficulties? We prepared for them by our life on Earth.

And by understanding all of this to the full adoption of the Christian system of spiritual values was only one step, which I eventually did in 2000.

Perhaps I will sooner or later could be done without any “breakthroughs”, for serious and prepared by reading the Bible operates much stronger than the teachings of don Juan. This is perfectly understandable even from the point of view of the latter - energy structure called the “Bible” for several millennia has gained such strength that dive into it has a much more comprehensive consequences than in the world of Mexican sorcerers. Especially for a man of European culture.

So I plunged. The belief in “castanedas” victory over death and the transition to another world without losing its own “I” met “European-Christian understanding of the destiny of man - made things, selfless work, trace in history, in the memory of posterity...

And this huge happiness.

XIII

As it often happens, I wanted to write a book about one thing, but it turned out otherwise. I just “pereprosmotret” of the twentieth century, but it turned out “memories of the future”. More precisely, about eternity.

Because of this don't even know how to finish this book. To say something grandiloquent about the coming XXI century? Talk about your future plans? Here with today's business to sort out ...

“So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own, enough for every day is the evil thereof” (Matt. 6:34).

So let's assume that ended not a book, and age. These lines I write on the eve of the New 2001 and conclude on this story.

Let this end for the book looks artificial and far-fetched, but still can stay? Besides, the last Chapter was devoted to Christian theology, which I'm not just passionate about - captured! Ideas set, about one want to write something about the other...

So let's just, without any big words, say goodbye to the twentieth century. Dry figures - 1901-2000 - were consigned to history. But life goes on.

Goodbye will last “image” - a poem Okudzhava. It somewhat strange name - “Walking suckers” - Bulat Shalvovich commented in the following way: in the seventies he wrote a historical novel “Journey of Amateurs”, and one of his friends said that if the novel was about modernity, it should be called “Walking suckers”. Now you do not need to explain what the square, and then Okudzhava had clarified that “the opinion of the lumpen intelligentsia”.

Okudzhava, as can be seen from this poem, believed that the intelligentsia is listening to “cries from hell”. Personally, I think that the voices from heaven, but the fact is that “on the way to the pigeons ' came to me - it does not change.

At the whim of Fate - raznoschitsy gifts -

In my day of testimony.

I wrote the novel “Walking suckers”,

And pigeons thanked me.

They sit in a circle, as before the fire of the Holy Ghost,

The forgotten people and God tribe.

Some of their secret thoughts blew the smoke,

And the verdict whispers time.

They sit in a circle under a low ceiling,

Booed their speech and mannerisms.

But the eternal verses memorized secretly,

And the box built from plywood.